Vodka tasting night, with snacks courtesy of Xixon, a spanish boutique filled with the most delectable delights this side of the Atlantic. The contestants: Grey Goose, Ketel One, Belvedere, Three Olives and Ciroc.

The arenas? Sour Green Apple Martinis, Strep Chepe, Vodka Cran and straight up. Baby.

Now, opinions differ. But who cares? I declare Three Olives as my personal favorite, due to its having a distinct yet pleasant taste and still being sufficiently smooth to not offend. Second came Belvedere, which, while smoother than 3 Olives, was devoid of discernable taste. This may make it a favorite for others, but if I want to just taste cranberry, I'll order it straight up, on the rocks. Third came Grey Goose, which, while as smooth as Belvedere, had a taste - an aftertaste almost - that in comparison was a bit abrasive - a ever so slightly off putting. At that point in the night, when I realized how I was describing Grey Goose, I knew I had become a vodka snob. Then came Ketel One, that polish fox which was just to strong, too pungent, for my liking, followed by the French Ciroc, distilled five times from grapes and still pretty damn shitty.

It was a long night, filled with scientific discernment and plenty of personal sacrifice. However, I thought Denise, Gracie and my beloved aunt Katya performed admirably under pressure, and despite buying the smallest bottles on the black market, we have sufficient libations to go one more round some other night.

Hold me back, Tonto.